This song is just <3
worth posting here too. god DAMN.
It’s a weird feeling going from feeling stuck and powerless to feeling stuck and knowing I’m making a choice to do so.
- seahawks win, people around me are filled with glee
- bob dylan can now officially be labelled as “used to be cool”
- philip seymour hoffman dies :(
- my sister is going off the deep end
- family in general disarray
- friends doing questionable things
- lots of chaos
- I’m waking up Matrix-style
Why are so many people incapable or unwilling to be honest?
Two days without words, and tension to take their place. Every murmur, every footstep is stress. My body tenses from every shift in tone.
I am ten again. Fear, fear, fear. No intellect, no comfort - survival. Freeze. You might have to run.
I fear talking about it because of the history of victimization, years mastering the art of emotional manipulation. How can I talk about it anyway? People had an emotional overreaction to Pluto not being a planet, it doesn’t seem likely they would hear what I say and have to aim it at their own parents when family is just so god damn important. I can feel the lack of self in those theoretical responses in my head.
I’m not alone but the people on my side of the fence are few, and some of them might not even actually be there.
I am so uncomfortable. I want to leave. I am worth more than this.
I wish this was fiction.
I think this is the first point in my life where I’ve actually danced